How to Stay Motivated Even When You're NotJun 09, 2021
*This podcast was transcribed by an automated Otter so please ignore any and all grammatical errors.
Hello and welcome to episode number six of the Phoenix Rising podcast I am Ashley Drummonds and I appreciate so much that you are here with me and to talk about something that everybody wants to know the secret to, which is how to stay motivated, even when you're not. And I don't really think that there's a super special sauce to this. So we're gonna kind of just go through some different tools and techniques that you can use regardless of where you are in your life to hopefully help you stay motivated. Or maybe it'll help you get clarity on why you're not motivated to be able to move forward. I'm sitting here recording this episode in my closet, sitting on the floor. It's really weird. I don't know if you've ever used your closet as like a safe haven. But I thought I was the only person that sometimes meditates in my closet. Apparently not. There's something about it. One, the acoustics usually are really good and really clear. There's something about it is very grounding. So if you ever need some clarity on anything, go walk in your closet, sit on the floor, shut the door, and it kind of like just removes everything outside of yourself and gives you full sensory deprivation. So you can just go within. But yeah, so that gives you a visual image. I've got a White Candle here, I've got some sage burning, I've got some honey lavender tea. And I'm sitting on the floor in my closet, so that can let you know that there are good vibes going into this podcast for you. And I am 100% totally present just like you should be too.
So today's topic how to stay motivated, even when you're not man. So this question, I actually had a few people this past week. Some of them were related to business. Some of them were related to fitness and the gym, asking how do you come in here every single day? Like how do you continue to hit your goals? Or how do you continue to work towards your goals, like sometimes it's just so hard to get motivated? I want 100% agree. And this is something that I don't think anybody is free from struggling with. It's just you learn kind of how to navigate it.
So first things first, before I dive into a lot of techniques and specifics on things you can do to help yourself get motivated even when you're not. You have to first check in with yourself and practice some self awareness and see if maybe you're just going through a really hard time or maybe a season that feels like winter in your life. Or if you've been struggling with motivation for a very long time. Because there's self awareness and compassion when you're going through a hard time and you're in a hard place. There's a fine line between being motivated and pushing forward. And respecting the season that you're in as time for stepping back and reflecting. So I do believe that our life is full of different seasons. Some are full of motivation and inspiration and passion where we're supposed to just consistently push through and move through the process. And then like I said the winter there's also times where it's not about pushing. It's not about accomplishments and hitting goals. It's stepping back reflecting and regrouping so that you can move forward more efficiently. That's the first thing you got to ask yourself. Because I think there is a lot of stuff out there in the self help and personal development world that just teaches you that no matter how you feel, just get shit done and push through it. And I don't think that that is super helpful if you are in a place where you need to navigate maybe a new direction.
The thing with the mind and getting motivated is the motivation first happens internally Before you actually feel motivated, I know that sounds kind of contradicting because we always, in the beginning of things, we don't even have to try to be motivated, it just happens. So there's a saying, Joe Dispenza, if you're not familiar with him, he has a ton of books out there. He's big into the spiritual world. But he uses the analogy that your mind is like training an animal or a small child. Meaning if you do not learn to train your mind, the mind learns to train you, you become a servant instead of the master. And the whole point behind that basically, is if you are always reacting to what is constantly being sent to you through your thoughts. So if you're always hearing things like I'm not good enough, I'm not motivated, I'm not inspired anymore, I don't have what I want, whatever
those thought processes may be, a lot of times, that's your mind dictating the reaction in your body, therefore, your body doesn't end up feeling motivated, and you just respond accordingly.
The first place you have to start is in self awareness, sitting with yourself checking in and learning to control or at least train your mind, there's a few ways you can do that: you can literally sit in silence and check in to see what the thought processes are that are going on and see if perhaps your body and your life are responding to autopilot type messages that are continually coming from you, that maybe you established during a time that you really weren't inspired, except for now they no longer serve you and you're still reacting to those same thought patterns. So with that, and anytime I've been in a place that I felt a lack of motivation, again, if I am not going through a hard time, and I'm just really like struggling to get inspired, the first thing I do is I sit with myself, and I create the inspiration internally. I just changed my perspective on my situation. And I will produce thoughts that reflect the better side of the situation. So when I'm in transition, it's very easy. Anytime anybody's in transition to feel stuck to feel frustrated or feel desperate, you have this thought process going on that is going to leave you feeling in a very dark place and making it very hard for you to move forward and get motivated. at the exact same time though there's a whole other perspective that is going on, that can also help you.
So instead of focusing on what you don't have shift your mindset in the direction and the thought patterns and create a thought pattern that moves you towards inspiration and motivation. And an example of that would be let's say, you're switching careers. Or let's say you just got fired, or let's say you really hate your job. That is a very specific situation where you are exiting one part of your career life, trying to move forward into another. Now, if your entire focus is on the life that you are trying to exit the situation that you are currently in, that is leaving you feeling like crap all the time, it is going to be very hard for you to become motivated and inspired to get you out of that situation. So instead of putting all of your processes and all of your thought patterns, on the situation you're in, you have to learn to be stronger than old mental patterns. So that you can create thoughts that move you in the right direction. So instead of talking about how miserable you are, and how bad do you want out of something, start talking about what you do want, you can say things like, I know that I no longer want this in my life, I am super excited to move forward and to be doing work that fulfills me and to have a job that I'm really passionate about and to be surrounded by people that are also super passionate about what they're doing. And I really love the idea of starting something new and being in a new chapter in my life, and coming to work every day feeling fulfilled and excited, and really just doing what I feel like I'm supposed to be doing. So do you feel hopefully you do the difference in the energy of I hate my job, I hate what I'm doing and I'm stuck in a situation and talking about the new situation that you want to be in. Nothing change the actual situation. One of them though, inspires you and motivates you. So that's one of the first places you have to start.
It is very challenging for people to learn to train their mind because they are so used to being on autopilot and just reacting to whatever the mind says. That sitting in silence and checking in the way that you can kind of get a grasp on that without going too far into this whole, like, what is my current thought pattern and how to create a new one is just to sit in silence and become aware of it.
So making this a very literal analogy going back to an animal or a small child that hasn't been trained. Imagine that your brain is in front of you, and it's throwing a temper tantrum, or it's completely acting out. In this real life situation, how would you react to a two year old throwing a temper tantrum, you wouldn't react to it, you would sit there, you would stay neutral, you would let it do its thing knowing it's eventually going to wear itself out. But you're not going to react to that because you are the adult you are not the child. Treat your mind the same way when it starts throwing all kinds of self defeating thought patterns, self sabotage, thoughts that leave you feeling uninspired, sit there, let it throw its temper tantrum, do not emotionally become engaged with those thoughts.
Because when you emotionally engage with thoughts, all you do is fuel them like fire, let it run its course. And when you feel like you are in a grounded neutral place, create a new thought pattern that you want to emotionally engage with, because that is the direction that you want to head towards. Sometimes the first thing you have to do is convince the mind before the body responds, the body is always going to respond according to what is going on in the mind. This is both a spirituality thing. This is also an actual biological scientific thing, when you have a thought that thought is connected to certain chemical reactions in the body, the body will respond. So think of this kind of like when you have a fearful or scared thought it triggers is signals to your brain to produce adrenaline through your body, then what happens to your body, your heart starts racing, your palms get sweaty, your pulse goes through the roof, and you feel like you need to run because you have produced that thought to create that reaction. Same thing, if you produce thoughts that are depressing, or negative, or just stuck in a rut, your body responds and it sits there and it is going to feel lethargic. And it's going to be very hard to get motivated. So you have to learn to create the mind and body connection. But also you have to learn that you no longer are the child, you are the adult who is in control, and you have the opportunity to shift it. So anytime you feel like you aren't being motivated. This is where you start. First, convince your mind, start telling it things that are gonna inspire you and are gonna mean it motivate you and eventually the body is going to respond and move forward. And it takes time and practice. You can't do it one time, and then all of a sudden, expect that it's just going to fix all your problems. And if you think about any time, like have you ever gone to a motivational seminar, or listen to a motivational speaker and you walk away from there, and you are like pumped up and so excited, like ready to just crush your goals.
It's not because any anybody gave you some magic formula to it, it's because somebody was speaking words to you, that you took you let it fill your brain in your mind, and it created an inspirational feeling in your body. You can do this for yourself every single day if you choose to. Another thing though, that I see a lot of people that lose their spark of passion or motivation is actually because they've kind of lost their connection to their why. Now 2018 back when I was working with a lot of new entrepreneurs, helping them with their business, it was so funny because I had this whole program and it was a 12 week program. And we would hop on calls and we would talk about the process their ideas, and I would coach them through getting their idea from conception to the marketplace to actually become a business. And the first few calls we did some of the entrepreneurs I work with used to laugh because they would feel like all they were doing is sitting there with a journal and pin and starting with Dear diary. Here's my goals and here's my dream life. And it's not a lie. That's exactly how it started. But the reason being is because I wanted those entrepreneurs and I've done this too with personal training clients. I wanted them to get so crystal clear on the why. Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to start this business? Why do you want to make a million dollars? Why do you want a relationship? Why do you want this? Tell me what you think it is that it's going to bring to you that makes it worth the effort.
And a lot of times-I would have to continue to go through this process with people because normally people's Why always starts out with something outside of themselves. So you want to lose weight because you want more energy with your kids. And so that they can have a parent for their whole life, you want to lose weight, because you want to feel better about yourself. So you can attract the right partner, you want to make a million dollars, because you feel like if you have abundance, then all your problems are going to be solved. Whatever your your initial "why" is, ask the question again, because what will happen and this happens to everybody is when your y is attached to something outside of yourself, those will dictate your motivation and your inspiration. So if your why is for your kids, while this is a very noble, why for you to have and very loving for you to do, you got to get to the place, though, to understand that one day your kids are gonna grow up and be gone. They don't need you to have a bunch of energy to be around them anymore. What's your why then, or for the right partner? Okay, well, eventually you will attract the right partner, and then maybe you get married, and now you feel secure that they're never going to leave. So then what's your why then, and this goes with career too. Because when you get crystal clear, and you understand, I'm doing this because I want to feel better. I'm doing this because this is my passion and what I truly believe in and what lights my fire and how I feel. And I do this because I care about my well being and I want to take care of myself. So connecting to your why is the biggest thing that is going to make a difference between motivation and inspiration. So if you're feeling like you can't get motivated, maybe it's because either your initial y isn't strong enough anymore, or maybe because it had a lot to do with people and things outside of yourself and less about you. kind of brings me to my next point.
My next point is when we start new journeys, or new ventures or new relationships, and we're feeling very passionate and very inspired, it is so easy to keep the ball rolling, because we have this idea and this vision of all the possibilities that lie ahead of us.
However, we forget that as we go through time and our own personal evolution as just maturing or growth. Sometimes that vision no longer fits us, or sometimes we just no longer align with it. So you can lose your motivation and your inspiration, when you have outgrown your vision and maybe the idea and the vision that you started a journey on, but I don't know what situation you're in. But maybe that idea is no longer an idea that you want. Or maybe you have already hit that idea. Maybe you started dating somebody and you're like, Oh my God, this could be the one, this could be my ideal partner, and everything just keeps you motivated to show up and do everything required in this relationship, then it turns out, they are your ideal partner, and you guys get married. And then you kind of lost motivation to keep putting in the work and putting in the effort and to keep showing up. You need a new Why? Why do you put in the effort? Now? Why do you want to keep showing up for this person when I mean, the main goal was you were going to get married? Well, that is what you have to connect with. Maybe the why now is because it's really important to you to have a healthy relationship that has a lot of longevity. And because you want to give this person the kind of love that you also want to receive in return. Maybe in your career, you thought a certain amount of money was going to bring you all the love and happiness, and you've hit that amount of money.
And maybe now you have a bigger vision. So get connected to that. And I mean, I've seen this a lot, myself personally have gone through this and entrepreneurship and business and starting new projects is the ball gets rolling really fast because of the spark of inspiration, but also because it's moving you in a direction that you've never been, however, so the first time I started my business, this was 2014. I remember so desperately thinking if I could just make six figures if I could make $100,000. And at the time, I think I was making like 40 grand. I thought that that was just going to be like the dream. I could do anything I could have anything that I want. I would live a life of luxury and abundance and freedom. Well, here's what happened about 11 months into starting my business, I hit $100,000. And after that I kind of just felt stuck. I felt stuck for a very long time because I didn't know what to do not none of this is conscious. Most of the time when we're in these situations. It's not conscious. We're not aware of it. It's definitely happening on a subconscious level. So I was searching I was looking for maybe I should start a new business, maybe I should start a new project, maybe I should do something totally different. I have no idea. And ultimately, like, through my own practice of reflecting and self awareness, I had lost my inspiration and motivation. Because what originally inspired me, I hit that. And now, what I wanted change, not just monetarily, but the meaning behind it. Now, it wasn't about the money. Now, I wanted to do things that help people more and inspired me more. But I had to come back to the original vision and create a new one. So get clear on what your vision is.
There's a whole scene about blind faith, and I can't remember I like I'm not religious, I was raised very religious and very, like Southern Baptists. And I remember there was some Bible verse we used to always be taught about, like, having faith in what you can't see, or like walking by blind faith. And I actually feel like this is 100% NOT accurate. And I actually made an Instagram post about this, because that's not how life works. I mean, it would be stupid for us to just blindly go through life and be like, Alright, well, I don't know, like, I'm just gonna do anything and everything. Because just walking by faith, like hoping it all works out. I mean, that's pretty much the plan for disaster. What works is you getting crystal clear, it's actually not blind at all. It's having 2020 vision of the kind of life that you want to create. And then you walk by faith with intentional action every single day, that that all is going to come out. So it starts with you seeing it internally, taking action, externally, trusting that one day your internal world in your external world are going to collide in the vision that you've been seeing the whole time is going to manifest. So I always like to talk about that. Because a lot of people just feel like, Oh, I'm just going to show up, and I'm just here, it's like, well, that's great. That's like 10% of the equation. Have you ever sat down and ask yourself what the ideal life looks like for you, or the ideal career or relationship?
Because if not, you kind of just, I mean, you kind of just shooting blanks, man, you're not going to get anywhere because you have no focus or direction. So sometimes, if I am really, really lost, and I mean, like, I can't see a flashlight, let alone the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm like trying to get inspired and motivated-But I'm also not super clear on what direction I want ahead. I love to use my journals as almost like treasure maps, if you're not a journal journal, or it's totally fine. You don't have to be but it helps me a lot. Because what I can do, there's a lot of people actually, Matthew McConaughey, his book greenlights, he talks a lot about the different journals that he has, I felt such a kinship reading that book, because I was like, Oh, my God, somebody else who journals as much as I do that uses it like, like a compass, like a map in life anyways. So if you don't journal, you can still do this. But what I like to do is if there is a pattern or a similar scenario that I've been through, I will go back to my journals that year, because I normally put dates on my different journal entries. And I'll remember, I'm like, Alright, I know that I was in a big transition at this time. And it was a similar situation where I was making shifts in my career, I was also making shifts in relationships and friendships. Where was my head at then? What did I do? How did I pull myself out of this? What did I get super clear on? And then what changes Did I make? So your life is basically like a treasure map with a whole lot of clues, helping you rediscover and refined yourself along the way, if you don't have a ton of journals that you can reflect back to, all you got to do is take a pen and paper out and ask yourself, have I been in this situation before? And what did I do to get out of it? And you can start by simply getting very clear on what did you do during a time in your life that you were very inspired and motivated? And I mean, you were just like crushing it, you were on fire. Everything was just going gray. You were jumping out of bed every day super excited about what you were doing. Think of a time like that. What were you doing every single day and I know this is gonna sound very, like, not exciting to do, but I promise it will help you help you and what I mean is what were you doing every single day I'm talking like, how much sleep were you getting? What did you do first thing in the morning when you woke up? What was your name? Nutrition like, Who did you surround yourself with? And who did you hang out with? How did you spend your free time? Were you reading motivational books? Were you listening to motivational things? Did you have different hobbies? Like everything, write it all out?
And then ask yourself, Am I still doing those things in my life now, because more than likely, what you'll find is there's a disconnect. There's a disconnect somewhere in there either maybe you've hung out with different crowds that are just like a bunch of bumps on a log that have no made of motivation in life, and it's rubbed off on you, and you need to change your friend circle. Maybe you stopped taking care of your health and fitness, maybe you stopped filling your mind with things that were inspirational or positive. I don't know, only you know that. But once you look at that, that is a very specific place that you can start, take everything that you were doing at a time you were very inspired and motivated. And start doing that now make it your daily habits and your daily routine. And I promise you, if you implement that, do it, you're going to eventually feel motivated and inspired again. I mean, that's, that's why looking back at journals is great. That's why looking back at times in your life, when you have certain patterns that you can look back to it's the same thing with your health and fitness. Was there a time that you felt super great about the way your body looked? What were you eating? What were you doing? Were you exercising, how often were you exercising? Who are you hanging out with like, you can use this as a tool for anything in your life. And then to help you get on the path to motivation. Start doing those things every single day. And eventually. Next thing you know, you're going to turn around and you're like, Oh my god, I feel inspired and motivated. Again, such amazing things are happening. If you've never done the exercise of your dream life, you can't see me but I'm doing air quotes right now.
So quote, unquote, your dream life. A lot of times, this is where people do vision boards. If you've never done that, it can be a very helpful tool for helping you get inspired and motivated. And there is no wrong way to do a vision board or a dream board. The basically the idea behind it is you just either get a piece of paper or poster board and find images on the computer or in magazines that inspire you or match what you would want in life. You put it on this vision board, and you look at it every single day and use that as a guide to move you forward and to inspire you. And I mean, you can do this with little index cards of just like writing it out if you want you want to carry it around. Or you can also do this with like actual images. Now here's what I'm going to say about this because here's the mistake a lot of people make a lot of people do all of this, it cut out these images and stick it on a vision board, they put it on the wall, they stared at every day, and they just soak up all the good vibes and good feelings and like oh my god, this is amazing. I could live the life of my dreams. And then they go about their day, and they don't take any action towards it. That's not how it works. That is called wishful thinking. All of this goes together. So when you create these vision boards to help you get inspired, or your index cards, started in the morning, and then do it again at night when your subconscious is most open to new ideas and it's most receptive. But then when you go out in your day and look for opportunities where you can actually take action and move forward. So the law of attraction is the idea that like attracts like. So the thoughts that you put out there in the universe, are the things that are going to come back to you. And I've always had a little bit of a struggle with the law of attraction, because it's not quite that simple. It's not as simple as just pasting some pictures on some stuff or thinking positive thoughts. And the way that I tell people to use the law of attraction is use the law of attraction as if the law of attraction didn't exist. Meaning instead of looking at something, some goal you have written down and thinking like all I gotta do sit here and visualize and then that's it. I start to visualize and then everything is going to happen for me all the work is done. There's nothing for me to do. Don't do that. Because what's going to happen is you're going to sit there and visualize for years on in and you're going to be very frustrated as to why all this hasn't come in, come true.
What you do want to do is yes, visualize. Imagine all of this create the emotional feeling that you want, then as you go throughout each and every day and be open to opportunities that you can take in that direction. So we'll use dating because everybody can relate to dating Do not put a picture of your wedding on a vision board. But then throughout the day, you never say hi to anybody or you never take a chance to even talk to that person that actually fits a lot of the qualities you're looking for. And then go home and visualize your wedding. Again, that's not going to get you very far. Visualize, then put yourself out there, take step by step, to having that come true to same thing with career, don't put Oprah on your vision board, but then never actually start the process of building your dreams or writing the book or starting the business and then go back home and visualize again, she's not just going to call out of the blue when you've done nothing. And the law of attraction kind of teaches this, which is where I get a little frustrated, because I'm like, God, all this is doing is making people lazier, because now they think they can just do what I'm doing right now sit in the closet, but sit in the closet and visualize their life and do nothing and somebody else is going to do it for him and bring it bring it to him. And that's that's not how it works at all.
The last thing I will say about getting motivated and staying motivated, even when you're not is this is where your daily habits and discipline come in. You are not going to feel motivated every single day. This goes back to the whole connecting to your why every single day, I don't necessarily feel motivated, to go to the gym, to lift weights and to do the workout that I do. Some days I wake up and I'm really tired. And I don't want to do anything. The reason though I get up, I get out of bed, I get dressed and I go to the gym is because I know my why. And the reason I do that, and I work out as hard as I do is because I no one mentally and emotionally, I'm going to feel better to how important it is for my health. Three, because my body needs movement every single day, in order to really think clearly. I mean, that's kind of mental and emotional health. But there's so much more to it. Plus, I want to still look good as I age, I don't want to be looking like I'm 90 when I'm 40. Like there's a lot of things that go into it. So the days that I don't feel motivated. That's where discipline and habits come in. It's the same thing with your relationship. And I use all these different analogies of relationship career and dating, because it doesn't really matter what situation it is. All the tools are pretty much applicable in the same way. If you're not motivated to show up and put forth the extra effort in your relationship. Number one, ask yourself, have you outgrown your relationship and maybe now the things you want are different? If so, simply exit the relationship. Like let's just get clear on that. But if not, and maybe you're just in a lull, ask yourself if you are getting up and focusing on the why that it's important to you and then doing the actions every day, even when you don't feel like it like, I mean, I'm a feeler. So the fact that I'm saying all this is kind of weird, but I feel everything and act on everything. But daily habits focus and discipline are going to Trump even when you're motivated or not. And I mean, this is just kind of let's be honest, sometimes life is hard. And part of being an adult involves doing things you don't want to do, you're not motivated to do laundry and take out the trash. But you got to do it because otherwise your house is going to stink and you got to wear stinky clothes. Like sometimes that's what it comes down to. But I mean, ultimately, you are the only person who knows if your lack of motivation comes from either a. You have outgrown a situation, or a vision and it is time for you to create a new one. B, if you're going through a really hard time and this is actually a time for you to step back and reflect instead of work on being inspired and motivated. We're see it's been a long time and you've kind of gotten lazy and your daily habits are not where they used to be. And that's the biggest reason why you're not staying motivated.
So all of this is going to require you to just really check in with yourself. And these are all all of these go together. There's different times for everything. You need different tools for certain areas of your life. Maybe you've done the vision board and the dream board and now it does nothing for you. Okay, well, it's time for you then to take action and to start talking and changing your thought patterns to something that inspires you. I hope that helps you ally. I got a lot of people that were asking about that of how do you go to the gym five, six days a week. Don't you get bored? Yeah, I do get bored sometimes. And that's where I switch it up. But I also like no, I feel 1,000% better when I go to the gym. How do you eat healthy, same exact answer. How do you put forth the effort in recording these podcasts and editing them and publishing them because I really freakin love it. And I am really inspired by inspiring other people. So I mean, everything that you do ask yourself those things and connect back to your why now I feel like I'm just repeating myself. So I'm going to stop. Thank you for listening to this. Thank you guys for your awesome reviews. It really makes my day when I see them, especially some of them are so sweet that you feel like you're having a cup of tea with me, we'll kind of you are we're sitting in the closet right now with my meditation candle. And we're, we're just sipping tea and talking about life, y'all. So I will continue to check the messages as you guys send them that you have different topics of what you want me to talk about. But in the meantime, like I say, you can have anything that you want in life, you really can. Sometimes it involves letting go of the old to make way for the new and sometimes that's part of getting motivated. But I hope you have a fantastic day.
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