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Are you allowing your experience or judging it?

mindset Aug 29, 2021

So for today's episode, man, it's going to be a fun one. It's all about: Are you allowing your experiences in life or are you judging your experiences in life?

And the reason this is going to be so important is because when you open yourself up to allowing the experiences, you actually open yourself up to growth, to movement and to progress. And when you judge your experience, that's what keeps you stuck and keeps you from moving forward.

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Hello there and welcome to the Phoenix rising podcast! I am Ashley Drummonds and I'm going to be taking you through this awesome, deep, soulful conversation today. Um, really quick before we get started within the next few weeks, I'm going to be doing a free webinar, that is really just all about nutrition, your workouts, strength, training, and mindset, showing you how to really eat, how to work out, how to program your mindset to really get strong fit and lean and caveat. This one is only for women. So if you're a guy listening to this, I'm sorry, this one's just for women.

If you would like to be a part of this free webinar, please go to AshleyDrummonds.Com and sign up to get my emails because I will be sending the email out from that and you'll get access. Like I said, it's free. It's probably going to be around 45 minutes. And really it's just going to be digging deep, educating you on your body, on nutrition, on hormones, on strength training, and all about stuff, like the mindset things I talk about on here. So the link for that is in the description for this episode.

Again, if you would like to do the free webinar head on over to AshleyDrummonds.Com for the emails, and you will get notified all about that.

All right. So for today's episode, man, it's going to be a fun one. It's all about, are you allowing your experiences in life or are you judging your experiences in life?

And the reason this is going to be so important is because when you open yourself up to allowing the experiences, you actually open yourself up to growth, to movement and to progress. And when you judge your experience, that's what keeps you stuck and keeps you from moving forward. So let's get into that and talk all about how to tell if you are allowing it or judging it and how to move from one experience to the other.

Good morning, man. It is about 7:30 in the morning. It is sunrise. I've got a candle lit, I've got some Palo Santo burning. And I actually moved this week. I know some of you guys are listening to this. You're like, didn't you just move like a month ago? Yes, yes I did. And I moved again, and which is a whole other story that is not relevant to this podcast.

It is relevant. Well, actually it is relevant to the title of this podcast, all about experiences, but so I'm in a totally different setting. And you guys said you, like when I described to you how I'm recording this, because it makes you feel like you're right here with me. So right now, this new place that I'm in it is a beautiful, bright, but also super small little apartment.

That's got a balcony. It's really beautiful. But so right now I have like this slider in my bedroom that opens up to a balcony right off the bedroom. I have that wide open, sunrise is coming through, and then I have this really cute, like white barn door that I have open that leads from the bedroom to the living room.

I have that open and then I have the front entrance open and there's like, just this really nice, nice breeze coming through the entire apartment while I've got my Palo Santo and my candle lit. And it's the perfect setting, plus it's very, like I said, it's very light and bright. Ooh. And part of the thing is when I move into a new place, I will feel very unsettled until I basically infuse it with my own energy.

And I actually, a client of mine. I was telling her about this a couple weeks ago because she was moving and I was like, look, first thing you need to do is when you move into a new place, you need to make it yours. Otherwise you're going to feel like you're living in a stranger's home. So first thing I did was I immediately, I don't like stuff.

I don't like a lot of stuff everywhere because it just feels unnecessary and it feels stuffy and like it's taking up space that I would rather just have open. So I like totally just move things around and reorganized and restructured. And one of the things I did yesterday is I was like, I love color.

Like I just like, like vibrant colors that make me smile. So I was like, God, like, I really want to put some color in here. I don't know if I want to paint the walls. Like, what am I going to do? And so I went to Lowe's yesterday and saw all these wonderful plants and I'm not actually like a plant person, but so right now I have this bedroom window and next to it, I have a very bright purple orchid.

A small little red cactus and then all throughout the apartment, I've just put like very bright, small plants also, because one nature is very cleansing and high vibration and energetic, but two, it also helps keep your air clean because I mean, photosynthesis, your plants release fresh oxygen. Um, so yeah, so just to add to the picture, We just got high vibrations right now.

Um, but so anyways, I want to get into today's episode. It's all about allowing and judging your experiences and a lot of this is coming from, I think in general, like our natural default as humans is comparison. And we always see it in like physical realms and all, I mean by that is like, it's easy when you compare like your income to somebody else's income, your relationship to somebody else's relationship and your workouts to somebody else's workouts.

And what happens is the more we compare the less we actually are having our own experience and we end up feeling confused. We end up feeling like we're doing something wrong and it totally throws us off our game where allowing an experience allows you one, to create your own life and your own processes.

But also it releases the stress of, am I doing this right? Am I doing this wrong? How can I fix this so that I'm doing this wrong? The interesting thing about it is the more we judge our experiences, you will find you end up being more judgmental of other people's experiences. And you can always tell this because like, if you find yourself constantly getting frustrated because other people aren't changing or.

You're trying to control what they're doing and how they're showing up, or you're judging and criticizing and talking about their experiences all the time and how, like they're doing it wrong. More than likely that is less about them and more about you. And I'm not saying that we don't have people that we outgrow and there's nothing wrong without growing them.

But when. You try to make their experience, your experience, or you try to make them go through their experience based on how you would go through their experience. That in itself is a reflection of you. And here's the reason being so this, so one time there was this guy I hung out with for a very short time and one time while we were hanging out, we had this conversation of just like, so what's your greatest dream? What's your greatest fears? And he had asked me like, what's your greatest fear in life? And I was like, honestly, it's not totally having my full experience or not totally experiencing my full potential and expressing myself completely, whatever that means.

And it's basically just like, It's not even a fear, I guess it would say more of my intention and how I live my life is it's just, when I make choices, I make it with the intention of like, I want to experience all of me and every part of it and I want to move through it and I just want to make sure I'm not limiting myself.

So conversation got flipped. I was like, what about you? What's your greatest fear? And his response. One, immediately, we no longer hung out. Cause I was like, wow, what an asshole? But two, I was just like, wow, that says so much about you, not about the other person or people. And he's like, you know what? I had this really weird fear and phobia.

I was like, all right, what is it? He's like, I have a fear of obese or severely overweight people. I was like, what? Why? Like one that kind of pisses me off because of what I do. And like, I'm just very passionate about fitness and nutrition and mindset and like transforming people's lives. So I was immediately like ready to be done with this person, because it tells me a lot about your arrogance and mindset and what you think of yourself.

But two, I'm curious, please tell me why you have this fear and phobia. And he's like, well, I just think about like all that sedentary energy. And like untapped potential and like carrying that around all day long, it just freaks me out. So one, this is exactly what I said. I said, number one, actually don't think it's that you have a fear of that.

I think it's that if you were in that situation, you have no idea how to love yourself as that, in that experience. So you are judging somebody else's experience because you've never been in it and you automatically don't think that. Oh, I would never love myself if I was there. So therefore you haven't totally understood or learned true self-love and self-acceptance, if you're judging somebody else's experience, number two, weight in general, one way or the other is just a form of control, underweight and overweight. It's an emotional energy. When people have a lot of weight, typically it's a form of protection. It's a form of comfort. It's a form of emotions that have not been felt or healed.

So it's a protective layer. So for me, It's totally opposite. I don't have a fear of that. I have a curiosity of it and I want to help, like, look, I understand. I want to help you through this. The same is true with underweight. A lot of times, underweight, um, people and people who struggle with like, not being able to eat enough food that comes from a form of control.

You can control calories, you can count it down to the T. You can use food either to deprive your body and starve it, or you can use food to comfort your emotions. Like, and so when he said this, I was like, wow, what an asshole. But also that I'm judging his experience and then it just creates this whole thing.

But in reality, that's the truth of it is everything in life, everything, I mean, there's different surface level lessons, but really, and I mean, this is my own belief. If it doesn't feel like your belief and that's totally fine, I feel like everything in life is kind of there to constantly bring you back to yeah, but will you still love yourself?

It's this? Will you still love yourself? If this was your experience, will you still love yourself? If you're broke, if you're rich, if you're overweight, if you're underweight, if you're married, if you're single, if you're alone, if you're with other people, will you still love yourself? And the thing is the more you are judging and trying to manipulate or force someone else to behave differently in their experience. It's not actually anything to do with them. It's because you would not actually accept and love yourself if you were behaving the way they were in their experience. But what you have to do is take a step back, allow it to be theirs, and you allow yours to be yours.

And this is really what I want to get into is when we allow our experiences, we allow ourselves to grow from them. And move through them. When we judge them, we almost kind of stop the flow of why we are even in it to begin with. And no experience is right or wrong. It's yours. That's the thing is like the second we start to identify with it.

And the reason we identify with it is going back to the beginning is comparison. The only reason it feels wrong is because it doesn't look like everybody elses. Where if we lived in a world and a society where nobody was judging anybody's experiences, because we're all individual souls and each soul here has a different way of expressing and growing and evolving that it actually would make more sense for nobody's experience to look the same.

And instead we would encourage and support individual experiences based on what each person was trying to learn. I sometimes joke and feel like, I don't know if just like I showed up in this life and it was like, you know what? I want to learn as much as I can, as fast as I can, like give me every experience just right out the gate.

I don't know. But that's sometimes what it feels like. Um, or maybe perhaps my soul already knew that this is what I wanted to do in life is help other people and inspire and empower people and share the things that I have learned through these experiences. So in order to be able to do this, it was like, all right, if this is really what you want to do in this life, like good luck, here's everything you're going to go through really early on.

But I say that just because, you know, there's my brother, my brother, Michael, if he's listening to this, I love you. Um, but I say that because early on, I was a very expressive kid. The interesting thing about this, and I may have mentioned this is. It was always described from my parents as like rebellious and stubborn.

And it wasn't that it was just, I am, I am a very curious soul. And my curiosity stems from wanting to do things differently because we get one life. I did not come here to live the same life that everybody else is living and for whatever reason or however it's as if my soul knew that at a very long age of like, no, we didn't come here to do it like everybody else, like we're going to do this and we're going to do it differently. And as an original piece, so. From a very young age. I just always questioned everything. I questioned everything in life, beliefs. And I come from a very, very extreme conservative Christian family. And there was one time.

So like from kindergarten, all the way through high school, I went to a like Bible belt, Christian school and. My beliefs were Christian at the time. And I mean, the sinner's prayer, no sex before marriage, you don't drink alcohol. You don't listen to secular music. I'm talking extreme, but I still remember even like when I was in elementary school, I questioned all of it because there was parts of it that didn't really make sense to me.

And when I would question this with adults, my parents, teachers, pastors, whoever I never could get a straight answer. It was always just, it would get to a certain point where like, yeah, but this still doesn't make sense to me. And then the answer that isn't really an answer would be like, well, we just don't question God's will, or we just don't question the Bible.

We don't question things like that. And I'm like, look, no offense and no disrespect to Christianity and your religion. But if God and everything that you say that he is, is almighty and powerful and this unconditional being. If he can't handle me questioning things, then I don't really think he's who you say he is.

Like, that was my approach. And I would get in trouble so much. But part of that is I constantly felt like I never fit the same mold as everybody else. And that like this started, and there's a whole reason I'll explain. There is a point to this story from a very young age. I just thought it was like, God.

Like, I don't really feel like I connect with any of the girls in my class. I don't feel like any of this really fits me. I just didn't feel like I fit the mold because my mind worked differently. The way I expressed myself was different, but I was living in an environment that that was just not allowed.

And so starting in middle school, it kind of like started surfacing more and more. Obviously the older you get, the more you start to develop your personality and who you are. And so through middle school, I kind of started to experience that, it was just like, I don't, I mean, I don't get it, like all this, I want to play sports and I want to be outside.

Sometimes I want to play with dolls and do all these things. But like also, I don't really feel like I connect with any of these girls because the stuff they complain about just doesn't really make sense to me. And, and things like that. As I started to get into high school and I was really trying to figure out how to express myself, going to a conservative Christian school is like the opposite of a place for you to express yourself.

And so I was constantly getting in trouble. If I wanted to like try different hair color, I would then show up to school. I did my own highlights and then I would get sent to the principal's office. They would write me. Write me up and I was punished and then I would have to go put my hair back to its original color.

If I was like painting my nails. If I was listening to different music, if I was, I think I cursed one time in one of my softball games and I got in trouble for it. Like I was just very expressive and, oh, that's the whole story. My younger brother, Michael, a few months ago, we were going through some pictures from my childhood.

And if you look through the pictures of my childhood, My parents would describe me as quiet and introverted. But if you look through pictures, I am the polar opposite. I am expressive and like just totally free spirited and carefree. And so he jokes. He's like, I feel like had we not gone to such a Christian conservative school?

There is a version of Ashley that is probably slightly rebellious, but not in that kind of sense. Like maybe you're kind of like, I don't know, like emo, like you got some tattoos, some piercings, but you're also like super kind and open-hearted, he's like, cause when I look at pictures of you as a kid, like you were super expressive and it's so funny because like I said, like parents and teachers, when they describe it, they're like, oh, she was quiet and introverted. And here's what happened is like, as I'm going through my experience, figuring out who I am, I became more quieted and introverted and kept to myself because every time I was trying to go through my experience and allow it, other people were trying to control it.

Judge it tell me it was wrong. And what happened over time is the more I tried to fit into that box and that mold, that's more of what started to cause me to have anxiety attacks and panic attacks. And I started to get more isolated and to myself because it was like, I feel like I am being put in a box and I do not feel like I came here to live in a box, but the more I try to break out of this box, the more I am controlled and restricted.

And this happens to a lot of people, even in the, even in like our adult lives, any times we deny our experiences, we will feel more and more like our world is closing in on us because we weren't here. To fit some mold or to fit in a box. We're here to open up to express, to grow and evolve. So fast forwarding.

The longer I went through this and the more I tried all the way through high school, it was like, okay, well, according to every other authority and adult in my life, the experience that I am supposed to be having, not the one that I'm actually having, but that I'm supposed to be having is I don't curse. I keep my hair one color, no sex before marriage.

I don't drink alcohol. I asked for forgiveness every night. I read the Bible every day. I have to pick a college and then pick a major and then I'm going to get married and then I'm going to buy a house and then I'm going to have a kid and then rinse and repeat. They're gonna do the exact same thing.

And so I went down this path because it was like, clearly I am wrong because if I wasn't wrong, everybody else wouldn't be so angry and frustrated with me. So let me fix myself. And I went through this whole path and I mean, you guys, if you've been listening to this, you already know the story of that, that I tried all of that.

I tried to have the same experience everybody else had and to live a traditional life and the further and further and further I went down the path of that, of trying to fit this box and what everybody else wanted. The worse and worse my anxiety got. The worse, my low self-esteem got, the worse I felt about myself and it just created this whole problem until eventually.

And I think this is what happens in our life and with our experiences, eventually it got to the point where like you face the crossroads and it's like, all right, I've been trying this. And I have felt wrong for a very long time, but honestly, like my body is. Telling me everything I need to know that this is not the experience for me.

If I am having anxiety, anxiety, attacks, panic attacks. If I feel isolated, if I'm getting quiet and I'm becoming less myself, everything around me is telling me this is not the right path. And then it's almost like you literally like blow up your entire world. It's the same thing. People say, your world flips upside down, or you pulled the rug out from underneath you.

And that's exactly what I had to do. And here's the interesting thing about it. I, and this is why I said, like, I think early on in life, I just signed up to go through all these experiences to share and help in any way that I can and to have compassion and empathy, because prior to going through things that I've been through, and I know I'm going to have plenty more experiences in life, but prior to going through that, anybody else who had gone through it, I judged it.

I judged it because I judged myself. So people who. Trying to think of this. Like I lost all my money at 21 and at 20 it was like $10,000. And that's may not seem like a lot now, but at 21, that was a lot. So I lost all my money. I lost all my friends. I lost my home. I lost my well, I quit my job. I lost my job.

I lost a lot of family members. I got divorced. I was having anxiety attacks. I lost myself. Like I lost everything. And prior to going through that, people who had done that or been through that, I would have judged them. I was like, oh my God, I can't believe that person like totally failed at life. Like how embarrassing or I can't believe that person like lost their job.

I can't believe that person is 21 and going through this, I can't like I judged all of it. And then going through the experience. Allowed me to stop judging myself and to judge other people. But it also forced me to question everything that I thought was me. Everything I thought was true and everything that I thought I believed up to that point.

And I really think that that's what every experience we go through is all about is it's not right or wrong. It's not like you have something that you're being punished for. I think when we go through really hard experiences, it's because there's something in there we thought we knew, but we haven't quite learned.

So we go through it and it's like, oh, you thought you liked yourself and loved yourself. Do you still love yourself? Now that you're having this experience? If not, well, we're going to stay here until you learn. If you do, then you can surrender and allow this experience, knowing that it means nothing of you.

It's just an experience that you're going through. And that's really what is the hardest thing. And what keeps us stuck is when. You start to identify with the experience of what it means of you instead of being the observer of the experience and just kind of taking the mindset of, oh, this doesn't actually mean anything of me, but there's something I want to learn in this.

So let me allow the experience instead of judging the experience, because when you allow it, it just simply becomes like watching a movie. We're taking a class. It doesn't mean anything. And unless you identify and attach some sort of meaning to that and to put this in the real world terms that you can relate, say that, gosh, I'm trying to think.

Say you lose your job, you lose your job. If you take the mindset of like, wow, I am going through the experience of losing a job. That opens you up to the experience, but also like, well now what do I want to do? It frees you to move through it, get whatever you want out of it. However, if you go through that experience of losing a job and now you're identifying.

And you're like, oh my God, I lost a job. I'm a loser. It means I'm a failure. It means I have no value or worth. Otherwise I wouldn't have lost this. Then it means that you are in an experience because you believed that about yourself. And now you're in that experience to discover the truth. And when you discover the truth, you no longer will have the experience.

So if you believed people who lose their job totally suck, they must. Be failing as an employee, they don't do good work. I am so much more committed and loyal, whatever beliefs you have prior to that experience, you go through it. Now you're going to find out the truth. Is that true people that lose their job don't deserve respect.

Don't deserve acceptance. Don't deserve help. Well, you're in it. Let's see if you still believe that. Oh, you think that people who go through midlife crisis at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, whatever age you think that that's an embarrassment and shameful? Well, let's put you in it. What do you think about it now you still think it's shameful.

You do. Okay. Well, why don't we stay in this experience until you learn self-love and self-acceptance because you cannot truly love other people and help other people until you learn to truly love yourself. And I think this is what happens with periods of growth is we go through these periods where we signed up for an experience.

At some time we go through this experience, we get everything we can out of it or that we want out of it. So now we're in this place where like, all right, I know I don't really want to experience this anymore because I've done it, but I'm not totally sure what the new experiences that I want to be in.

And you're in a process of self discovery. What do you, what's the next experience you want to learn and using fitness as the analogy, since that is like 90% of what I talk about. Think of it, like this say for a lot of this, most of the things we do in life are unconscious. It's not like we're consciously choosing like, oh, let me see what it feels like to lose a job.

No, but there is a deeper level of your soul that knows like, wow, they really don't understand love. They really don't understand self-acceptance because they think they're only loved and valuable in this situation. So let's prove to them or help them learn. Let's rip this job away and let's see how they feel about themselves now, when those conditions are removed.

So we create these experiences that we forget, we sign up for subconsciously. And so again, using fitness and whatever weight loss exercise. So say that at a young age, your soul was like, you know what? I want to know what the experiences are like, or is like to be sedentary, to be overweight, to not feel and to numb myself out from things.

And I just want to see, I just want to see what this experience is. So you want to go through this experience. And now all of a sudden you're making choices that are in alignment with this. So you were behaving in the way that matches the experience. And a lot of times when people come to me and they're trying to transform their lives, it's because they're kind of tired of the experience.

They're tired of the same movie. It no longer serves them and it no longer makes them happy. So now you're going through the cycle in this period of growth and you're like, honestly, I'm kind of bored with this experience and I want to do something else. Like, I feel like I've tapped out and maxed out everything that I can possibly feel in this experience.

And now I'm kind of curious. I want to know what the experience is like to be fit and active and strong and healthy, and to think clearly, and to wake up motivated and inspired and to feel every emotion that I have. I want to know what that experience is like. And then you start to make those changes and it's like, okay, new experience.

Let's see, let's go through this. The same is true with money. Wonder what it's like to be broke and to struggle every single day. And to wonder and question myself, what's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? If I wasn't doing something wrong, why am I broke and struggling living paycheck to paycheck. And these other people are thriving and making a ton of money.

What do they have that I don't have? And the truth is nothing. They're in a different experience than you. And when you learn that when you learn that you're not doing anything wrong and you just choose a different experience, you no longer see anything is right or wrong. It's just, what do you want to experience now?

So this kind of brings up the process of like, all right. So when you're in an experience that you don't really love, what do you do with it? And here's what I do is I have days now, even sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's not necessarily like. External experience. It's an internal experience. So let's say one day I'm feeling just like a ton of anxiety.

If I'm feeling this actually happened the first day I moved in here, so two or three days ago, I felt very overwhelmed. I felt a ton of anxiety. I was stressed. I was worried because I'm like, oh my God. There's so much that I have to unpack and get organized. And what if I don't sleep well because I don't feel settled and I have all this stuff to do for the business, but I still have a full week of workouts.

How am I going to get through this? I was resisting the experience. So in the more I resisted it and I kept trying to hurry up and control it of like, just hurry up and get settled. Just hurry up and figure this out. The more anxious I got. So on days like this, what I do. Is I'll go outside. Nature is very grounding and it helps give me perspective.

So I like went outside. I took a very slow casual walk and I was breathing and I kept telling myself, it was like, this is just an experience I am available for the experience of what it feels like to be in a new place that doesn't quite feel like home yet, but it eventually will to feel unsettled, to feel a little nervous.

I will allow myself to have this experience and to let go of trying to control it. And when I did that, I actually felt much better. It didn't fix anything immediately, but it removed my need to hurry up and move through it instead of judging it. So. That's one thing you can do is have the mindset of it.

When you feel yourself, like really just like stuck and struggling, ask yourself, am I allowing myself, am I being available to the experience or am I judging it and trying to control it? When you judge it and control it, you will stay in it longer. That's just the truth. The more you resist something and deny something the longer you're going to stay there, where if you can just get in the place of allowing, without judging, you're going to move through it a lot easier.

You're going to discover something about yourself. If you allow yourself to be available for the discovery, that's there. And then before, you know, it you're like, wow. And that experience has passed. And here we are are so to put this into like three steps, because I always feel like if you can like give me something very action item oriented.

That was kind of a mouthful. So, if you're going to experience right now and you're like, whew, this is not a fun experience. This probably means this about me is probably means I'm failing at life. It's probably means I'm totally lost. And don't know who I am. This probably means that I'm never going to find love is probably means that I'm worthless or invaluable, or I'm not a woman or I'm not a real man or whatever you think that that means.

Is it possible for you to be in the place that you are in without any judgment? And complete love. And self-acceptance because if not, then that's what you need to learn. If you cannot be exactly where you are with total acceptance and loving yourself through it, then it means that you are exactly where you need to be, because you need to learn something very important in that that is going to free you.

So that then brings me to step number two. So one allowing yourself to totally be in it. Just allow it, make yourself available for the experience. Number two, when you're in it, see if you can ask yourself prior to this experience, what beliefs did I have about myself or other people in this experience? So again, using the job loss prior to you losing your own job, what beliefs did you have about other people?

What you thought about them, what you thought about their value, what you thought about who they were as an adult of their level of contribution to the world, whatever. What beliefs did you have? What beliefs did you have about people who go through midlife crisis? What beliefs did you have about people who fail, who fail at marriage, who fail at business who fail or quote unquote fail, because it's not really a failure.

What did you think about those people prior to that? And now that you're in it, are you discovering that that actually wasn't the truth at all? All that was, was judgment and your inability to love yourself now that you're in it. And now that you're in it, and you're going to learn how to love yourself through it, isn't it going to free you up to be able to love other people more?

So that's number two is ask yourself before I was here, wherever here is what beliefs did I have. Of other people who I saw here and now that I'm in it, what do I want to choose to believe? So then that brings me to number three, once you discover that, and I mean, number two is really where people stay for a long time, because you are discovering your own truth.

If you thought somebody was unlovable, because I don't know. Um, God, I can't even like think of an example. Say somebody abused you. And you're like, I could never do that. I can't believe somebody would do that. Like, I can never love somebody who cheats or I can never love somebody who's abusive. Say this is your perspective.

So therefore you deny love. What you are really denying is if you were ever abusive or if you ever cheated, or if you ever did those things, you would not love yourself. So then you're in that experience and you ask yourself, you're like, wow. I mean, I'm a good person. I'm a good person. And I judged people who were here because I actually originally thought this, but that's actually not the truth at all.

And now I'm experiencing forgiveness and now I'm experiencing a deeper love for others and a deeper love for myself. Same thing to, this is a big one. Comparing your success in life with other people's success. So I'm in my thirties. I don't know how old you are, but in comparison to what traditional women are in the society in their thirties, most of the time I get asked.

Okay. So you're in your thirties, you seem really smart. You take care of your health and fitness and you're super ambitious, but you're single. You have no kids. You're not dating anybody right now, what what's wrong. Like, but it immediately, I'm like, nothing's wrong. It's the same thing for anybody else.

Like, okay. So maybe in your thirties or forties or fifties, your sixties, maybe you had an idea of where you should be at this time of what would. What would mark you as a success in society and maybe that's not at all where you are. You're like, wow. Um, I definitely thought I would have it figured out by now and I don't, and I feel like in whatever age you're in, I should be further along or I should have more accomplished or I should have it figured out more, whatever you think that you're supposed to be doing that you're not doing.

So now you're in this experience and you're like, well, prior to me getting to this point, I used to judge people who got to this point, and we're not further along, but now that I'm in it, I realize I have no room for judgment. And here's the thing. If you can get in the place in the mindset of there's nowhere to get to. There's no book.

The book of your life is being written every single day by the choices that you make. So there's no standard to uphold other than the standard you hold for yourself. So why you're in number two of really peeling back the onion layers of everything that you thought you were in everything you believed about yourself and about love and about self-acceptance and about the experience that you're in, what you thought about it before you were.

When you peel back all of that while it's really, really hard, you're going to get to the place of being more genuinely and authentically you, because now you're no longer making choices or living as the person based on who you think you're supposed to be or where you should be. But you are actually being the person that you are and allowing yourself to express, however your soul needs to express itself throughout each phase in your life.

You cannot expect that 40 is going to look the same as your parents' forties. As 60 is going to look the same as your parents' sixties. 25 is going to look like everybody else is 25. Like we are not a bunch of copycats and robots out there. And the more you recognize that and allow that the more you free yourself and free other people.

So if you're in number two, number one, you allow yourself to be in the experience. And if you're in number two, man, I know how you feel. And I know it's hard and it's uncomfortable. And I know it sucks because you feel a little bit lost and you're like, I don't know what I believe, but this is what these people believe.

And this is what my parents believe and what my siblings believe and my coach and my friends. But I don't know if that's actually true for me anymore. Keep going through the process because there is something in it that your soul wants to discover to help you feel more, whole more genuine and more authentic to yourself.

So stick with it, no matter how uncomfortable it gets, once you get to that point and you really start to discover your own truth about you and your life to move out of the experience you've been in and into a new experience, this is number three. There's a couple things that you can do. So it's kind of, if I could put this into perspective, so you're in this place right now, you have this past of the way that you've been living.

You've been thinking, you've been viewing yourself, viewing the world and viewing others. So then you're here, you're in the present and you're taking all this experience and everything that you know, and now you're in this place of you're running it through your own filter, your own truth filter. Do I still believe this?

Does this still make me happy? Do I still really want this? Or did I only want this because I thought I should want this, whatever that filter is. And then. You get to this part of your future, which you are constantly creating one choice in one day at a time. And what you are figuring out is which parts do I want to take from my past, marry it to the truth that I know now, and then use both of these experiences to now move into my future more.

More genuine and more authentic to myself. So when you get to that place and you're in number three of like, I am moving out of one experience, and this is what growth is. You're moving out of one experience and you're moving into a new one. And you're like, I don't really know what this new experience is.

All you have to do is start to ask yourself questions of, I wonder what it would be like too. So using the money example. If you are coming out of the experience of struggle, paycheck to paycheck, grind, hustle, broke, never having enough living in a lack mindset. And you've kind of like you're done with it.

Like you're just over it. It doesn't serve you anymore. Like you get it. Money doesn't make you a valuable person. It also doesn't make you a bad person if you do have money, you thought it did. So you wanted to be broke because you thought broke people were more spiritual, but now you realize that's not true because there's plenty of wealthy people who are fantastic people.

So now you're over that experience. You've discovered your truth. To move into the experience of somebody who is thriving, who has plenty, who is abundant, who is wealthy. You start asking questions in the direction of that, of like, huh? I wonder what it would be like to be wealthy. What would I do with my time?

How would I spend my money? How would I act? Where would my thinking go? I would be thinking of things like, oh, I have plenty. I can do whatever I want. I have complete freedom of myself, time, schedule, expression. And the more and more you start to ask yourself these questions out of curiosity. Of that new experience, you start to energetically and physically move into and grow into the new experience that you want.

And you let go of the old it's like letting go of the things that no longer serve you, moving into what is now serving you and your own growth. The same is true. For example, if you using fitness again, you've spent so long, maybe you were overweight. And you're like, you know, I'm over this. I kind of would like to experience what it feels like to be healthy, fit and active.

All you got to do other than number two, which is uncover the former beliefs that you had about yourself and about that experience and get to your real truth of the experience, then you move into number three. Like I wonder what it would be like to look in the mirror and feel really good about how I look.

How would I spend my time? Do I go to the gym every day? What kind of foods would I eat? How would I think about myself? How would I show up in the world? What is a person that is healthy and fit do that I wasn't doing? And you start to become curious of the experience, which will then cause you to move into that.

You then start making choices around that. And then the longer you do that before, you know it, your entire world has shifted. And now you're in the new experience. The only way to get to that though, is going back to the very beginning of what this entire episode is about. Are you allowing and being available to the experience that you are in or are you judging it?

If you want to move through it, you simply have to allow yourself to be available for it. The longer you judge it and deny it and resist it. The longer you will stay in it because you are denying the truth and the lesson that is there for you to learn in order to move. All right guys getting deep as usual.

And I love it. I hope this was super valuable for you. And if it was like, please let me know the more you guys, let me know the more I know to continue doing this. Like I said, if you want to be part of the webinar that I will be doing in the next couple weeks, please head on over to AshleyDrummonds.Com.

That is where I will send out the email to let you know. If you have not left me a review, please do so means a lot to me and keeps me inspired and motivated. But in the meantime, surrender, trust that you are exactly where you need to be. Your experience is right for you because it's yours. And just ask yourself, what can I learn through this so that I can move through it?

I almost just said like, all right, I love you have a great day. I do love you guys. And sit with this dig deep and then go spend some time connecting to yourself and creating the life that you want. And I will see you in next week's episode on the Phoenix rising podcast.

Here's to Creating a Body & Life You Love,

Ashley Drummonds

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