Fall in Love With You First. What is Self Love and How to Find it?

I want to lose at least 10-15lbs. I’ll be happy when I finally lose this and get to my goal weight.
I want my legs to be smaller and to get rid of my cellulite. I started the no carb diet and saw results, but now I need to know what the next diet or workout I can do is to get rid of this fat.
I hate my body; I just was not blessed with good genes and now I have to work harder to “fix” my body.

Self love and a healthy body image
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How often are these statements the basis of most of the conversations we have with our girlfriends, mom, sister, or co-workers? We all get together and spend hours upon hours talking about everything our bodies do not look like and comparing them to what we see on the cover, in movies, or in advertisements either hating our body more because it does not measure up or hating those in the images we see because they seem to have those “good genes” that you did not get. With years of training and specializing in women’s health and fitness, I have found a recurring thing that all women share and a bit of truth that needs to be told on the matter of our bodies and female curves. The first question that every client and woman I meet wants answered is: How can I lose weight to look like these fitness models and get ABS and a body like “her”? I then proceeded to answer their question with another question back: “Why do you want a body like hers instead of just loving and creating YOUR body in a way that fits your curves and your lifestyle?”

 
The answer is quite obvious if we dig deep and the reason we want “her” body is because we assume and believe that there is something wrong with the our own so we hate it, we abuse it, we put it through drastic measures to “fix” it until it is something completely different. Just like we all have our own unique skills and passions in life to bring to the world as a gift, we also have unique bodies and curves to bring to the world for different purposes. Some are athletes, some are dancers, mothers, models, gymnasts, musicians, teachers, swimmers, artists, writers etc. and each body helps you in that purpose with your own feminine expression. Since I was young, my body is built like an athlete and I naturally put on muscle and strength very easily.

However, when you are at the age of 14-19 years old the girls who seem to be receiving the attention are the “skinny” girls who fit into a size zero. Like most women, I went through a period of trying to “fix” my body to be what I thought it was supposed to be instead of what it naturally wanted to be. By the time I was 17 ready to graduate high school, I had such low self-esteem that I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship, I started experiencing anxiety and panic attacks and felt completely lost not knowing who I was and what to do with my life. By the time I got to college, I had figured out a pattern of skipping a meal or so a day and eventually dropped down to about 115lbs and rarely working out. I was happy that I now fit the “normal weight range” for my height, but felt miserable inside because I lost that drive and athleticism I had in sports; I lost my confidence in being my own Authentic self, and I was frustrated that I felt like I had to practically starve to look like society’s idea of “beautiful”.

As women, it is not so much that we necessarily care to go through the measures, but we do it out of a deep craving for love and acceptance. We do not love our bodies or ourselves for who we are so what happens is the world reflects back to us what is inside of us and we end up attracting relationships and situations that also do not love our bodies or us exactly as we are creating a vicious cycle.

Ever notice people usually start a workout or new diet program after a breakup or while they are single? It is because we believe we have to do something or change something about ourselves in order to find love and attention. That individual then gets into a relationship, falls in love with someone, then what happens? You usually see the fitness and nutrition take a back seat and the weight begins to creep back on because they really are happy with their body as long as someone else is happy with their body. Then they break up or get divorced and the cycle repeats itself. Sound familiar?

The world and the people in your world are a mirror of what truth is inside of you. If you are stressed, unhappy, repeating negative thoughts about yourself all day, abusing your body by starving it or over training it, then you will see the in the world around you people who also do not respect you, do not respect your thoughts or your body. The same is also true in your relationships as well.

You must first Fall in love with yourself and who you are…THEN the rest of the world will follow your lead.
One can only accept love if they recognize it within themselves. We accept the love from others we feel we most deserve so once you start giving yourself everything you need and want you will see the world around you change.

How can you start loving yourself and putting this into practice?
1. Pay attention to your thoughts all day long. Thoughts create your reality and it is time to pay attention to yours. Do you go throughout your day thinking things like:

Nobody likes me and I know people think I am boring
• I look so fat in these pants if I could just lose 5lbs
• I hate my legs they are so “thick” and this stupid cellulite won’t go away
• My hair is so flat I wish I had “her” hair
• I’m never going to get a date every guy I meet treats me horribly. I guess I just am not good enough.

If any of these ring true (or maybe you have your own) then it is time to change those thoughts! If you would not say it to your best friend then do not say or think those things about yourself! You are your own best friend and have to start making changes with you first.

Give yourself the kind of love and attention you want by changing those thoughts to things like:

  • People love me and enjoy my company. I always have something to offer to a conversation
  • These pants help show off my curves OR I am making healthy choices to feel more comfortable in my own skin with regular exercises and nutrition
  • I love my thick legs they are unique to me and give me plenty of energy to do the things I love like walk, dance around, move…I love my legs
  • My hair fits me so perfectly and I am learning new ways to style and wear it to make me feel confident. I enjoy who I am and can appreciate my own uniqueness.
  • I will meet the right guy. The more I treat myself with love and respect the faster I will attract the guy/partner I want who will be right for me.

2. Take yourself out! Have you ever taken yourself out on a date to wine and dine yourself! Women are constantly looking for someone else to tell them they are beautiful, to take them to a nice restaurant, to order the fancy meal, to treat them like a queen but have you ever done this for yourself? This is one of my favorite things to do because it gives you the opportunity to really discover who you are, what you like, how your own company really is great. Set aside a night for yourself this weekend and go on a date with you. You can sit at the bar at your favorite steakhouse or restaurant and talk to the staff, talk to the people around you and just enjoy an entire date celebrating you exactly as you are in this moment.
3. Every day you look in the mirror, find 5 things to say out loud that you love and like about your body. This may feel awkward at first and you can say it mentally, but really be authentic in the words and compliments you say yourself. If you find this difficult at first, start with things that are simple like “I like the color of my eyes. I like the color of my hair. I like my lips.” Practice this and see how it changes your confidence.
The more important thing is every moment in life is another opportunity to give love and be love. One of my favorite quotes starts off by saying “The good you find in others, is in you too. The faults you find in others, are your faults as well. After all, to recognize something you must first know it. The beauty you see around you, is your beauty….appreciate beauty and you will be beautiful. Be love, and you will be loved…” Learn to appreciate the uniqueness of your own body and who you are so you can also appreciate this in others without feeling the need to compare. Focus on feeding your body healthy foods and exercising it regularly and stop basing your worth and value by the number on the scale. Remember, Fall in love with yourself first and the rest of the world will follow. You have to first be what you want to attract for we attract what we are…not what we want. To change your reality you must first work on yourself and stop looking to everyone else to change for you.

So often we hire a personal trainer or get signed up at the gym to become a “new you” and are given all the tools on how to exercise properly and how to eat properly, but nobody ever actually talks about the most important in how to train your mind and how to practice self love habits daily so that the voice inside your head matches and says the reality that you wish you saw. When I created the Flat ABS for Women program that whole purpose behind this was to connect mind, body and soul. Not just to give another weight loss program that was a temporary fix, but to actually work on and teach how to see the truth of what’s going on inside of you so that you can not only have the body you want, but the life you want as well.

You are Authentic. You are Beautiful. You are Strong. For more self-love and real talk stay up to date by signing up for my exclusive list at the top of this page!



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